The Art of Living Unapologetically

Human beings are, by nature, flawed creatures. We carry bias and insecurity. We are selfish, and we reach for what we cannot attain. Human nature is to yearn for what is not there, or to form expectations and mold ourselves to try to fit in with our community.

It is in our DNA as humans to want acceptance, to find a niche where we belong and to be something that others desire. However, there is a thin line between naturally meshing with certain individuals and individuals you must change yourself to mesh with.

Recently, I found myself attempting to sand down my edges to fit with someone else’s, changing little things about me along with warping my needs and personality to be something that is desirable, more palatable and not who I am. I allowed myself to bend and shape to the will of another in the hopes of strengthening a connection, and instead, I found that changing for anyone other than yourself leads to dissatisfaction and discontentment.

With the severance of a forced bond, I found myself lost and wondering: why was I still not enough despite the one-sided efforts I made for another? Was the clay I allowed myself to be too dry and crumbled to be shaped into something new and shiny?

What I found instead was that I was forcing myself to conform for another instead of actually wanting that change. I needed to take a step back and reevaluate, leading me to my new philosophy: how to live unapologetically.

Get that funky haircut. Buy that sweater.

The biggest thing you can do for yourself is do things for yourself.

Do not let those around you hold you back from self-expression. Dye your hair. Cut your bangs. Bleach your eyebrows. Put on a stupid t-shirt. Try a new restaurant. Learn to cartwheel. Cook something new. Buy those ridiculously tall boots.

Do what makes you happy: you are a blank canvas that you can paint in any fashion. Never let the people around you decide who you are or what you should look like. It may be a cliché, but you only live once.

Take yourself on a date

Getting to know yourself outside of your “niche” is so incredibly crucial. It is great to have people you love and spend time with, but it can be just as great to spend time with yourself. Take yourself to the theatre to see that film you have been dying to see. Go on a nature walk through the woods. Sit in a park and draw what you see around you. Listen to music on a hot day in your backyard.

There is nothing more therapeutic than spending time with yourself and getting to know the person you are. There is more to you than your community.

Turn your journal into your therapist

One of the healthiest things I have found for me is allowing myself to take time out of my day to just sit there and write about what I have been feeling and why I have been feeling it. To be able to record and process my emotions on paper has allowed me to self-reflect and understand myself in ways that could not be discovered through conversation.

Although it is incredibly healing to vent and speak to the people around you, expressing how you feel without biases and opinions from your peers can make it easier to understand yourself and your thought process. I always appreciate an outside perspective on the root of what is going on in my life, but it is equally as healthy to come to these realizations by looking inwards rather than seeking outwards.

Put the phone down

I, as much as anyone else, enjoy posting on Instagram or scrolling through my feed. It is addictive and it is fun, but if you are always sitting on an app, you will never get up and do something. Your feed caters to you and what you like, and there are a lot of things you will not experience or witness if most of your time is consumed by technology.

It is important to step out of a computer-crafted bubble and discover things for yourself.

Be Selfish

To me, this is arguably the most important thing anyone can do for their well-being. When I say be selfish, I mean never put yourself in a situation where you must make yourself less to make another happy. Prioritize your peace.

We are all human beings with wants and needs that clash sometimes, but if you are reducing yourself to something you are not, you are doing yourself a disservice. Compromise is ok and change is too, but if these things come from force and a place other than your own desire to be better, it is not compromise and change, it is breaking yourself down to keep someone around who should not be there.

Live unapologetically and never let anyone–whether it be your community or your partner–break you down and mold you into something you are not.

Editor: Sydney Annis

Graphic: Sarah Rakoski